First Major Project- Review of Script feedback

I received my Script feedback on Wednesday the 11th, half way through shooting. Steve outlined some interesting ideas that I intend to integrate into my final script.

from a technical, formatting perspective my script was good, there were some small errors regarding the entry and exit from flashbacks, and, in relation to that, my lack of vigor when designing my non-linear narrative. I didn't provide enough detail when cutting between different points in the narrative, I wasn't specific enough with how i showed the audience that the time had changed.

He also said that i needed to better focus on my visual language, have a better idea of how I wanted to shoot the film and for my script to reflect that amount of fore-thought. this I especially agree with and will create a post relating directly to this major issue i have had with this entire project.

in regards to dialogue Steve felt that while my characters do speak properly in regards to their ages, the dialogue was a bit too functional, and that in some places my dialogue wasn't direct enough.

from the meeting with Steve I have decided the following about my dialogue:

• too much exposition
• not enough weird alien-ness from Mia
• not enough jokes
• more Mia being Mia (i needed to personify mia better)

MAJOR ISSUES

the opening scenes
both Steve and I had a problem with the opening scenes, i was never particularly happy with them but when I had a new perspective on them i realized what i had done wrong in particular in relation to them, I had been thinking far too practically. the opening scenes consist of(in this order) shots of the couple running, a flashback of the couple walking home from a club, and another, further flashback to before the club, waiting for a bus. i had decided on these because i had wanted to express that they where drunk, had a good time and that one, (Mia) had been feeling down about something earlier that day. i was thinking practically in that I had discounted the idea of a club scene during my idea phase because i wanted to avoid shooting a scene with so many extras in what could be a fairly expensive location.
however, having talked it over with Steve I have decided to re-write the opening section of the script to better reflect how it could have been.

the final scene.
I and Steve both agreed that my final scene was far too long and that i would have been better off splitting it in two, maybe at different locations, we also agreed that the ending was a bit to ambiguous and that it needed to be better defined in the final version.

story Vs character
I tried to tell too much, in too little time, the exposition went a little far and the emotion didn't go far enough, I need to be louder with the emotions of my characters and tone down the reasons behind events, i need not write a history book when writing a screenplay, if the events of the weekend have taught me anything, emotions are key.